A Megadose of Paradise
by mat528
Summary: Ever wanted the perfect man...or Time Lord? Nine/Rose


**A MEGADOSE OF PARADISE**

**Pairing: Ninth Doctor/Rose**

**Synopsis: Be careful what you wish for…what happens when the Doctor becomes the man Rose wants him to be?**

**Genre: Humor**

**Time Period: Sometime after "Aliens of London"/"World War Three"**

**A/N: This little plot bunny came to me recently via a planet me and a girlfriend created some years ago. Sorry about the Brady Bunch reference in this story…I actually think the series is okay, and I just slipped in the reference for fun.**

**Disclaimer: As always, I don't own nothin', though if I did, CE would not have left Doctor Who, at least not for awhile, and when he did, he would do a story with DT, and Billie Piper!**

The 900-year-old alien that was the Doctor stormed out of the TARDIS, snapping, "Never should 'ave opened my mouth, asking you to travel wi' me!"

Behind his leather clad form, the now-blonde that was Rose Tyler stalked behind him, saying, "You're bein' unreasonable!"

"Unreasonable…me!" The Doctor roared. His long legs propelled him up the perfectly mowed, beautiful hill of emerald green grass. He took no note of his surroundings like he'd done countless times, preferring to go anywhere that was away from Rose. The 19-year-old followed relentlessly.

"I'm just sayin': why don't we go someplace quiet, where we can catch our breath?" Rose pressed her point as she struggled to catch up to him. "I mean, when you pleaded with me to travel with you, I had no idea running for our lives would be an everyday thing!"

The Doctor crossed his arms, huffing. "I didn't _plead _with you…there I was, mindin' my own bees' wax, and you practically stepped on my feet when you leaped into the TARDIS!"

"I didn't leap!" Rose cried, her anger at a fever pitch now. The Doctor stopped, turning to face her.

"Oh, yes you did," the Doctor said. "You leaped so high into my ship you could have given Jack Be Nimble a run for his money."

"There's just no talkin' to you," Rose said. She turned around, not wanting to face him. When the Doctor resumed walking, Rose questioned in a hurt voice, "is it so wrong to slow down, just a little bit? To go somewhere relaxing…to see paradise?"

The Doctor stopped again, turning around to see Rose's hurt expression. He closed the distance between them. "Understand this, Rose Tyler," he told her softly, "I don't do domestic, and I don't do perfect planets."

"Why?" Rose questioned, sounding like a little girl who didn't get the pony at the fair.

"Because perfect planets are boring, that's why," the Doctor said. "Don't you crave adventure? Don't you want to do things that get the ol' adrenaline pumping?"

Of course I do," Rose assured him. "S just that, well, a little bit of downtime is not so bad…an' what's so wrong about bein' perfect sometimes, too? Havin' a perfect day, like this? Livin' the perfect life? Being the perfect man?" She rejoined.

"I had enough of that when I was in the Academy on Gallifrey, thanks very much!" The Time Lord sneered. "Time Lords an' Ladies with their perfect clothes, their perfectly clean homes, their perfect rules of non-intervention! I was so bored, I could have thrown myself into the time vortex! Dentists drilling on your planet have more excitement than there was on my home planet."

Rose sighed, wondering why she'd ever agreed that travelling with the Doctor was a great idea. She had already witnessed the end of her world (albeit in the future), ruined Mickey's life (since she'd been gone 12 months instead of 12 hours and the police thought Mickey had killed her), gotten in trouble with her Mum (because mothers tended to get a little ticked at daughters who traveled for a year with strange men), and lived each day literally as though it could be her last (running for her life from aliens).

"What about this planet? Where are we?" Rose asked, deciding to change the subject.

"Don't know," the Doctor answered. "Neither did the TARDIS. The database couldn't come up with a name for this gem of a planet." The Doctor looked at the rich, sky blue heavens, the perfect trees with their carefully pruned leaves, and the babbling brook in the distance. He swept his hand in a mocking gesture. "A perfect planet, looks like," he said sarcastically.

Rose took in her surroundings, saying derisively, "If you think this'll be too boring for you, why don't you go back to the TARDIS an' repair something?" Rose turned from the Doctor, walking quickly toward a perfectly paved cobblestone walkway. Neither traveler was aware of a pair of eyes watching them with interest, and sadness.

"Fine," the Doctor muttered. "Don't go too far," he called. He started back in the direction of the time travel device when he was hit on the head from behind. The Doctor slumped to the ground, unconscious.

The pair of eyes that had been watching belonged to a very handsome blond man in a simple jumper and pants. His hair was perfect, as were his clothes. They matched his alabaster skin. Beside him, a woman with olive colored skin, also perfectly dressed, asked the man, "Did you see how he treated her?" Two more onlookers held the same pitying expression as they nodded.

"So sad," the man commented. "But we can help him. It's obvious he must be from the other side. They don't have the breakthroughs there that we have." He glided to a building, its newly washed glass windows gleaming in the sun.

"Once we help him, he will be the perfect mate for her," the woman said with a voice that sounded like a bimbo's.

"Bring him," the man commanded as he walked on. The men with him lifted the Doctor's body, carrying him to the edifice in the distance.

XXXX

Rose pulled out a small digital camera from her pocket. She snapped shots of the architecture, which resembled twentieth century Earth. She wondered if she and the Doctor had come to Earth, but decided they were on another planet resembling it because Earth had never looked this clean.

"I could get used to this," Rose said smugly. She took some pictures of the picturesque sky, as well as several flocks of birds flapping their rich, colorful wings.

She walked past some row houses, waving to children quietly playing in the yards. Men mowed their lawns without complaint, and women delivered lemonade, iced tea, or other beverages without talking about the heat, or other things women talked about.

The couples that spotted Rose all waved to her, their 24-watt-grins plastered on their Barbie-and Ken-doll-resembling faces. After about an hour and a half of seeing lovely homes, perfect streets, well cut lawns with no weeds, and men and women who looked like the models in her latest issue of British In Style, Rose decided she owed the Doctor an apology. She didn't know what planet she was on, but she did know that she could use a day of fending off snarling, cursing, or just plain out-to-annihilate-the-Doctor-and-his-companion-du-jour aliens. The teenager decided she'd better locate the Doctor and leave this world as soon as possible.

She reached the spot where she'd left him, but upon not seeing him, returned to the TARDIS. Opening the door with her key, Rose frowned when she didn't see her friend in the console room. She ran into other rooms, searching for the Doctor, but still couldn't spot him.

"TARDIS…did the Doctor return?" Rose asked. The ship beeped in a negative tone. "Then, do you know where he is?" She queried, hoping the Doctor wasn't in some kind of trouble.

The TARDIS lit a path back to the console room. Rose glanced at the data screen, seeing the building the men and women who had observed the Doctor had carried him to. The TARDIS showed a directional arrow on a map, indicating the path Rose was to take. Rose hoped the Doctor hadn't gone far as she left the ship.

XXXXX

The Doctor's blue-grey eyes fluttered as he regained consciousness. He started to rise, but couldn't as he realized he was strapped to a chair in an upright position.

"I'm sorry, Visitor from the Other Side, but I promise, I won't hurt you," a beguiling, sing-song voice said. The Doctor saw an Oriental woman with beautiful, almond shaped eyes looking at him. "Do you know who you are?" She inquired.

"Of course," the Doctor said in his familiar Northern accented voice. "I'm the Doctor."

"Please to meet you, Doctor," the woman greeted, all politeness and warmth in her tone. "I'm Lynne Sang. I, too, am a doctor."

"Well, from one doctor to another, why don't you let me off of this chair, an' we can discuss medical things?" the Doctor asked. Lynne Sang shook her head.

"I'm sorry, Doctor," she said. "They tell me you're sick." She wheeled over an apparatus with what resembled an oxygen mask. "Don't worry, though…you will be all better soon, and you won't get hurt, I promise!"

The Gallifreyan struggled to escape his bonds as the woman secured the mask over his nose and mouth. Another man in a white medical uniform walked through an open door into the room.

"Is he secured?" the man asked. Lynne Sang nodded, smiling at the Doctor. She ran her fingers over his close cropped hair soothingly as the man switched on the device. The Time Lord listened but he couldn't hear any sound of gas hissing. "Relax," the woman said gently. "You have only lost your way. Let us find it for you."

The Doctor could feel his muscles relaxing as he breathed . He tried to think…to meditate by reciting logarithms, but he felt the will of Morpheus overtaking him. What did he need to do? He wondered. Escape? His mind asked from a great mental distance. No, he needed sleep….He was _so_ tired. He closed his eyes, lost in a peaceful slumber.

XXXXX

Rose ran inside the building, hoping that the Doctor was okay. Her eyes glanced at the lobby, taking in the perfectly shined wood floors, and the disgustingly clean receptionist's desk. She was about to ask the receptionist if the woman had seen the Doctor when she saw the Time Lord sitting quietly, reading a newspaper.

"Doctor?" Rose called to him. The Doctor looked up, his grin in place, but Rose noted a difference. Instead of his usual manic grin, this one was more subdued…more warm and friendly. "Are you all right?" She asked warily.

"Fine, never felt better," the Doctor answered.

"They didn't hurt you, did they?" Rose questioned.

"Nope," the Doctor replied. "They didn't do anything; I just saw the light, is all. We can go now, if you want, but you know, I was wrong about what I said."

"You were?" Rose asked, an incredulous expression crossing her face. In the short time she had known him, the Doctor had never acknowledged she was right. When he suddenly apologized, Rose was gob-smacked. "C'mon, we've got to get you to the TARDIS," Rose said, taking him by the hand.

"I can walk, you know," the Doctor said politely, adding, "but it's nice that you want to help me. You're such a considerate person."

"I am?" Rose asked. She let go of the Doctor's hand, but steered him away from the lobby of the building through the massive glass doors. They walked back to the TARDIS, the Doctor taking time to literally smell the roses (or flowers that looked like roses); Rose's pace quickening with every step. Eventually, they reached the ship. The Doctor walked calmly to the control panel without any of his usual energetic movements.

"Where would you like to go?" he asked, turning levers.

"Uh, where would you like to go?" Rose inquired.

"Somewhere peaceful…tranquil," the Doctor breathed. "No monsters, no life threatening experiences…that would be so rude to take you to those types of planets."

_Rude? _Rose thought. Since when did the Doctor care about offending her if monsters were involved? "Why don't you just fix something while I take a shower, okay? Won't be a mo'", Rose told the Time Lord. She exited the console room, hoping the Doctor would stay put until she could find out what was wrong with him. Maybe he was going through a mid-life crisis, or something. As she let the water run over her head, Rose ran through her options. Perhaps she should take him to a doctor…but what could she tell him, or her? She could leave the TARDIS and seek an antidote for the Doctor, but he'd said they didn't do anything…that he had seen the light, whatever that meant. Maybe she could go with the Doctor to the TARDIS's medical area…help him find a cure. She lathered her smooth skin, proud that she had a solution.

Rose went into her bedroom to change clothes 30 minutes later to find her bed neatly made. She frowned; she never made her bed…there wasn't any time. She crossed to her closet and found that her clothes were neatly put away on hangers, not tossed casually on her bed like she always had them. She walked up to a hangar, and instead of her usual sweats, Rose saw a dress with puffy clouds on it. She saw a dress on another hangar, and another one…in fact, she saw that all of her hangars now sported dresses, or clothes that she wouldn't touch in 1 million years. She took out her knapsack, thanking God that there was a sweatsuit in it. Hurriedly dressing, Rose ran into the console room. The Doctor was humming as he fixed some wires.

"Doctor?" Rose asked.

The Doctor poked his head out from under his work. "Yes?" he questioned back.

"What's the meanin' of cleaning my room, and giving me frou frou clothes?" Rose asked.

"Nothing," the Doctor answered. "It's just that those sweats don't emphasize your lovely figure, an' you should display it more often."

"With _those _dresses?" Rose cried.

The Doctor nodded, saying, "There's no time like the present to be well dressed. As for your bed, I made it up because you shouldn't be sloppy." The Doctor returned to his wires, saying, "I know it will take getting used to, but in time, you'll see that it is a wonderful idea. Oh, and don't worry; I don't want you to watch me work. You can ignore me completely, if you want."

Rose's jaw hit the floor. As many times as she'd wished for the Doctor to not be so incensed if she either didn't hang on his every word, or bristle with annoyance at her not wanting to know what part of the TARDIS he was working on, Rose would at this moment have donated a kidney for the Doctor to be like he was before.

"By the way," the Doctor said, "I have a surprise for you. I decided we should spend some time with your gracious mother. I want to clean her flat."

"You want to do something _domestic, and spend time with my mum?" _Rose shouted.

"Charming woman, she," the Doctor replied. He pulled himself out from under his wires, turning another dial, and setting the coordinates. The TARDIS stopped, and the Doctor read the instruments. "2005, London, Powell Estates," the Doctor breathed, emerging from his ship. Rose followed, hoping she could help her friend.

XXXXX

"I don't know why you're complaining, sweetheart," Jackie Tyler's voice rang out of the kitchen. "I mean, since e's been here, he's cleaned my bathroom, fixed the telly, dusted my coffee table, and cooked us lunch. What's so bad about that?"

"HE MADE UP MY BED, AND REDESIGNED MY WARDROBE!!" Rose screamed, then quieted when she saw her mother's expression. "He's driving me nuts!"

"Soup's on!" the Doctor cried from the kitchen, bringing out plates and cups. He went back into the kitchen as he got some food from the stove. Rose and Jackie sat down after he pulled out their chairs for them, with Jackie offering to help set the table. The Doctor declined, getting some more food, and serving them.

"You just rest, Jackie, I'll do everything," the Doctor pronounced. "By the way, where's Mickey?"

"You're callin' him 'Mickey', not 'Rickey'?" Rose asked.

"Why not?" the Doctor rejoined, smiling that warm, idiotic smile Rose was coming to detest. "He is such a darling boy."

Jackie concentrated on her food, stifling a laugh. "He's visitin, relatives in the States," she told the Time Lord. She started eating, then almost spit out the contents of her plate as she cried, "Doc, what is this?"

"Raw corn and peas, along with a mineral shake," the Doctor said, grinning. "See, I read somewhere that humans should eat more raw foods. Perfect for great health."

"Or a quick death," Rose muttered, hoping the Doctor didn't hear her.

"Maybe we should have vitamin pills, an' eat something cooked," Jackie suggested.

"If you want," the Doctor agreed, adding, "I aim to please."

Jackie stared at the 900-year-old for a long moment, then said, "Rose…why don't we go into the kitchen and let the Doctor eat?" Rose followed her mother into the kitchen while the Doctor happily scrounged through Jackie's living room closet for a vacuum cleaner.

"You're right, sweetheart," Jackie finally said, "He's ill. I mean, cleanin' every once in a while is okay, but he's acting like something out of the Brady Bunch!" Rose winced as she remembered the Doctor showing her some reruns of that show one time. "Maybe we should get 'im drunk. You know…hair o' the dog, if in fact he _is_ drunk."

Rose snapped her fingers, saying, "You know, Mum, you're right! Why didn't I think of that?"

"What?" Jackie asked.

"This all started on that planet we went to recently," Rose said. "He wasn't gone long enough for me to think they could have done something to him, but if there is an antidote, they would know."

"This means you're leavin' again?" Jackie asked. When Rose didn't answer, Jackie pleaded, "Don't go. You might be gone for 12 years this time."

"I have to," Rose said. "Doctor!" She called. The Doctor emerged from the kitchen, saying, "Yes, Rose?"

"I think we should go back to that planet," the teenager said, determined.

"Okay," the Doctor said. He turned to Jackie, who was battling her anger and frustration to plaster non-emotion on her face. Deep inside, she knew Rose was right; the Doctor needed whatever the aliens on the planet could provide in the way of an antidote. "Good bye, Jackie."

"Bye," Jackie said. Rose grabbed some sweats, leaving her mother and taking the Doctor in tow.

XXXXX

The TARDIS landed on the planet with no name's surface once more. Rose walked out into the serene landscape with the Doctor. "Come on," she said. The Doctor didn't fight Rose's pulling him to the building.

Presently, Rose came up to the receptionist's desk, saying, "You! You know what's been done to my friend?"

"Now, now, Rose, no reason to shout," the Doctor admonished. Some medical people, including Lynne Sang, entered the room.

"What's going on?" one doctor asked, smiling benignly.

Rose ran up to him, pointing a finger and saying, "You did this to the Doctor! Change 'im back!"

"But…" Lynne Sang said, "we thought you wanted him to be this way. You seemed so unhappy when you both argued."

"You saw that?" Rose cried, deciding she'd chew them out later for eavesdropping. "Look, he was fine the way he was…"

"But, we are the planet of Perfect, and he wasn't," another doctor spoke up. "We didn't hurt him, we just adjusted him."

"What's that?" Rose asked.

"We gave him the Mist of Tranquility," a third doctor said. "It filters out all of the negativity and gives a man, or woman, the perfect mate."

"First of all," Rose argued, "we're not mates!" She then corrected, "well, not in the way you think. Second, if I wanted perfection I would have asked for it."

"You did…we heard," the first man who had spoken said. "You wanted someone who valued peace and tranquility, and didn't mind visiting peaceful planets."

"Yeah, but…that's not what I meant," Rose said quietly. "I appreciate your help…you didn't mean to do anything wrong, but I'm not lookin' for that kind of help, and I'm certainly not looking for a perfect travelin' companion. I want the Doctor the way he was."

"You should have your old companion in a couple of hours, if that's what you really want," Lynne Sang said. "The mist only is good for a few hours. You would have to stay here longer for the effects to be permanent. He should be the way he was by the morning."

Rose nodded. The Doctor, for his part, was serenely smiling at Rose, marveling at the wonderful creature she was. As the travelers left, the first male doctor muttered, "Those people on the other side are very strange!" The doctors murmured their agreement, then returned to their tasks.

XXXXX

Inside the TARDIS a little while later, Rose was reading a book when the Doctor came into the console room.

"Doctor…I…" Rose started, putting her book down. She noted that while the Doctor regarded her, he wasn't angry. "I'm sorry. I guess I tried to make you someone you're not. I wanted to relax, to see paradise and, maybe subconsciously, transform you into my perfect friend that I didn't think about your feelings."

"Rose, I'm sorry, too," the Doctor said. "I pushed too hard. Forgot you humans need to rest sometimes. Perhaps it isn't a bad thing to smell the coffee or the roses once in awhile." He sat in a chair beside the one she sat in and continued. "See, ever since the Time War, I haven't wanted to relax, or get too complacent. 'Cause the minute I slow down…the minute I take in the spoils of paradise, it'll all go away again, an' I'll be lonely, frustrated, angry."

Rose nodded, comprehending as she said, "I understand a little, yeah? You lost everything, and you're afraid of losing it again, so you run toward danger, so you don't have to feel, right?"

She let her words sink in before saying, "But there's a downside to that. If you don't stop and catch your breath, you might find that you can't breathe anymore when you need to."

"Maybe, but I can't lose anyone anymore…I can't even lose you," the Doctor said, letting his guard down. Rose put a hand on his shoulder.

"You won't lose me. I'm not leaving any time soon," she promised. "But you know what?"

"What?" the Doctor asked.

"After seeing the perfect, domestic you, I think I could stand a little imperfection," Rose said. "How's about getting into some trouble?"

The Doctor gave Rose the manic smile she'd come to know and love. She smiled back, waiting for him to set his next destination with his usual flights of fancy. He peered at the destination, telling her, "the planet of Klaxxon…engaging in a huge civil war, them. How's about we pop over there an' see what we can do to help them?"

Rose laughed, running back into her bedroom to change into her newly tossed-on-the-bed sweats.

THE END

9


End file.
